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These are extraordinary methods, and work best in live games. Getting an opponent on tilt is a lot more rewarding in lives games, too. There’s nothing like the grunts, facial ticks, and the defensive “What the hell bro?!” of an on-tilt, chip-bleeding, crashing-to-the-ground poker player. It’s like music to my chips.

Here for you, from my secret vault of dishonorable tactics, are 9 proven methods to put your opponent on tilt:

Make an amazing bet which convinces your opponent that you really do have the best hand! Then show your bluff. Include with a wry comment like, “Please come again.”

Insult your opponent. One of the oldest war tactics, used by conquering heroes since the earth was young. I suggest making “hee-haw!” sounds after a player plays a hand poorly. Or pull out this little gem: “If you were twice as smart, you’d still be a stupid player.”

Slow roll. That’s when you’ve got the nuts, pretend your opponent has won, force him show his hand first, and then make a big deal of turning your monster, winning hand over. It’s a jerk thing to do, and a fantastic method to put your opponent on tilt.

Read your opponent’s hand. Then call it out. If you’re able to correctly call out your opponent’s hands a few times, they won’t be playing you with a logical strategy. They’ll play back at you with a defensive “I’ve got to eliminate this player because he has me read” strategy. Also known as “slow motion train wreck” strategy. Let their chips derail into your stack.

Talk incessantly in a high pitched and/or nasal voice.

Talk about your cats, what you fed them for breakfast, what time you are going to walk them later, how many friends your cats have, and the three books of history behind your furry friend’s name. (You don’t need a cat to do this. Just a terrible story nobody wants to hear.)

Bonus! Tell your cat story in a high pitched, nasal voice after slow rolling your opponent.

Act like you’re about to throw your hand away, gesturing repetitively with your cards as if you’re about to release them towards the dealer. Then when it gets to you, shove all-in. You’ll upset the table more than a stink bomb in seat 6.

Call the clock on a player who has just been dealt a hand.

Pull this one-liner out after a player who thinks they’re good, loses a big pot: “Ladies and gentleman, this is not a player to learn from.”

If you’ve got any other cruel, callous, or cold-hearted moves to put a player on tilt, let me know in the comments!